Serendipity. Have been feeling a bit south of neutral lately and could not figure out what the issue was. I truly feel lucky and know that I have everything that I wanted, which is why I could not figure out why I felt like I have been backsliding down into The Pit. Catching up on reading some of the blogs I love, I found some articles & posts on depression and weaning. BINGO.
Feeling a bit like a dirty hippie and bigger still the fact that Ro has TWO bottom teeth and FOUR top teeth, I have been weaning him off breastfeeding. I thought given all the difficulty and stress that breastfeeding caused, I would be ecstatic to be done. I mean, I was the one who in the very beginning was making deals with myself trying to get to 12 weeks and not sure that I would even be able to get to that point.
Breastfeeding was so very important for me to do. It was such a huge part of the experience that I wanted to have. So much so that I put up with the bloody & traumatized nipples (sorry, sharing too much?) and the incessant, never-ending, fight-inducing questioning of whether I was providing enough milk for Ronan. Every cry, every short nap instead of sleeping for a longer stretch of time was a sign to me that I was not able to produce enough milk for him. But I kept at it. Every week, I was at Baby Clinic to weigh Ro and see where he plotted on the percentile. Each time, I had a bottle of formula ready to give should his weight not be going up. Despite him gaining above average weight each week, I still could not truly believe.
However, with amazing support from the White Underbelly & Lottie, I slowly began the believe and ultimately enjoy breastfeeding. I started weaning Ro off the boobs at 7 months and initially thought that I would just be done within a week. Pumping soon became a way for me to clearly see how much volume there was and a way to continue Ro getting some antibodies & other nutrients that I feel are still valuable. I'm now at a point where I have to give up the last on-the-boob session and I have had mixed emotions. There is a part of me that is happy to be able to wear non-nursing tops again (even if they are still a bit snug!) and there is another part of me that is not looking forward to all the bottles and work associated with that (I can be inherently lazy and it is just so much easier to be the food instead of having to organize & carry it all).
Turns out it's not just me wanting to be lazy but there is a drop in hormones being produced, specifically oxytocin and prolactin, which are referred to the "feel good" hormones and have the same effect as ecstasy and cocaine. So basically, I am having a hormonal crash. While there is nothing that I can do about it, it's nice to know what is behind the low feelings. I appreciate the other women talking about it and the research being carried out. I am so happy that I started to catch up on reading these blogs and finding those posts.
Feeling a bit like a dirty hippie and bigger still the fact that Ro has TWO bottom teeth and FOUR top teeth, I have been weaning him off breastfeeding. I thought given all the difficulty and stress that breastfeeding caused, I would be ecstatic to be done. I mean, I was the one who in the very beginning was making deals with myself trying to get to 12 weeks and not sure that I would even be able to get to that point.
Breastfeeding was so very important for me to do. It was such a huge part of the experience that I wanted to have. So much so that I put up with the bloody & traumatized nipples (sorry, sharing too much?) and the incessant, never-ending, fight-inducing questioning of whether I was providing enough milk for Ronan. Every cry, every short nap instead of sleeping for a longer stretch of time was a sign to me that I was not able to produce enough milk for him. But I kept at it. Every week, I was at Baby Clinic to weigh Ro and see where he plotted on the percentile. Each time, I had a bottle of formula ready to give should his weight not be going up. Despite him gaining above average weight each week, I still could not truly believe.
However, with amazing support from the White Underbelly & Lottie, I slowly began the believe and ultimately enjoy breastfeeding. I started weaning Ro off the boobs at 7 months and initially thought that I would just be done within a week. Pumping soon became a way for me to clearly see how much volume there was and a way to continue Ro getting some antibodies & other nutrients that I feel are still valuable. I'm now at a point where I have to give up the last on-the-boob session and I have had mixed emotions. There is a part of me that is happy to be able to wear non-nursing tops again (even if they are still a bit snug!) and there is another part of me that is not looking forward to all the bottles and work associated with that (I can be inherently lazy and it is just so much easier to be the food instead of having to organize & carry it all).
Turns out it's not just me wanting to be lazy but there is a drop in hormones being produced, specifically oxytocin and prolactin, which are referred to the "feel good" hormones and have the same effect as ecstasy and cocaine. So basically, I am having a hormonal crash. While there is nothing that I can do about it, it's nice to know what is behind the low feelings. I appreciate the other women talking about it and the research being carried out. I am so happy that I started to catch up on reading these blogs and finding those posts.
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